Unfathomable Loss, Immeasurable Love

By Caroline Brennan

This is a story that one hopes, with time, will have a happy ending. Stalin, a 13-year-old boy who suffers from sleep disorders, loss of appetite, and inability to socialize or concentrate, is a reminder of the emotional burdens carried by people — especially children — even two years after a life-changing nightmare.

Stalin is not alone in the crushing weight he carries. In the southern Indian state of Kerala, in the areas hit hardest by the tsunami, many children have yet to fully recover from the loss, confusion and trauma they faced in the wake of the calamity.

Like most of his peers in Kerala's Ambalapuzha and Alleppey districts, Stalin was born into a fishing family. Unfortunately, growing up was not easy for Stalin — he, his mother and his two sisters lived under the duress of an alcoholic father. When Stalin was 11, his mother moved herself and the children in with her parents. That was December 23, 2004.

Three days later, Stalin was playing with his sisters in his grandparents' yard when the "giant killer waves" hit the nearby Azhikal coast. Without knowing what was happening, Stalin felt himself being washed out to sea and quickly lost consciousness. He awoke some time later in a small canal, but soon fell unconscious again. This is where the real nightmare began.

Found and presumed dead by the local community, Stalin was taken to the nearest hospital and placed in the mortuary. When he woke, Stalin found himself in a morgue. He immediately cried out for help and was rescued, but the event would leave him scarred to this day. He also had to bear the unimaginable news that his sister, 14, with whom he had been playing that fateful morning, had died.

Deep Wounds to Heal

"Both of these tragic incidents left a deep wound in his heart," said a counselor at a CRS-supported trauma counseling program. "He started keeping himself away from his friends and developed symptoms of hatred toward everybody for no genuine reason."

Within hours of the disaster, CRS India was working with its partners in response to the tsunami, which included quickly prioritizing the emotional needs of traumatized survivors.

Within weeks of Stalin's rescue, the Quilon Social Service Society, a CRS partner, conducted outreach to children in the area that Stalin lived. Early on, counselor Danny Rozario noticed Stalin's tendency to stay away from the group. She reached out to him, but he was quiet and reserved. She reached out to him again, but he wasn't interested in talking. She reached out to him again and again, until he grew more comfortable. And, soon he began to talk. And talk. And talk some more.

Stalin is still talking, and he also is still healing. Over the two years of this outreach program, Stalin has taken trips to other parts of India's coast, met with children like him, and participated in leadership development trainings and group games. He may become more active in peer activities, but this will take some time.

In the meantime, across the larger Indian coastal community, families are moving into new, permanent homes, and the local economy has made significant progress. For Stalin, progress can't be measured by anything but a truly cherished gift — a counselor who reminds him that he is not alone, that he has nothing to fear and that he is loved.

Caroline Brennan is South Asia regional information officer for Catholic Relief Services. She has reported on CRS activities for the Pakistan earthquake, the Indian Ocean tsunami, the Darfur crisis, and post-war development in the Democratic Republic of Congo and Afghanistan, among others. Caroline is based in New Delhi, India.